A Valentine For the Wives of Husbands Within the Church of God

The Greek used in the Bible, unlike English, distinguishes between three kinds of love. The Biblical Greek classifies romantic love as eros, brotherly love as phileo, and the God kind of love as agape. Due to the influence of secular humanism in American media and education, these days 'love' most often conjures the idea of eros love.

When a husband and wife recite their wedding vows during the wedding ceremony they are swearing before almighty God that they will enter into a covenant of love with one another “till death do us part.” Does this contract call a husband and wife to have warm tingly feelings for one another for the rest of their lives? Are the emotions that swirl around a wedding day what John is asking Christians to reclaim when he exhorts the church to return to her first love? Is the “Valentine” kind of love the kind of love that will maintain a lasting relationship as the newlyweds grow older?

The Greek eros refers to the romantic love that is so prevalent in media of all types, and is the focus of the Valentine holiday. This kind of love is certainly the lowest level of love that can be experienced. There is nothing wrong with romantic love in a marriage relationship, in fact there is benefit for a couple who periodically enjoy romance in their marriage. The major problem with romantic love is that it is highly selfish. The focus of romantic love is self.

Neither is phileo love sufficient to create the kind of marriage that God expects when a husband and wife exchange their wedding vows. Again this brotherly love can be profitable to the health of a marriage. This kind of love is still inferior to the lasting love that God has called Christians to in the marriage relationship. Although the focus of phileo love has been taken off the self and onto the object of love, it is still one step below the kind of love that God wants between a husband and wife.

Ephesians 5:25 calls husbands to agape your wives as Christ does agape the church and gave Himself for the church. The God kind of love is the kind of love that lasts. Romans 8:35 declares in eloquent form that nothing can separate one from the love of God. Throughout scripture the love of God is depicted as a giving love; a giving that is higher than is found in brotherly love. Because this giving focuses one's love not on self and not even on the recipient of love, but agape love has its focus on God.

To love God is not simply a romantic feeling, or brotherly kindness. The love of God is the keeping of the covenant. I John 5:3 says, “For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments: and His Commandments are not burdensome.” You want to give your wife a true Valentine this year? Love her with agape love, the self-sacrificing love, the covenantal love that God expects from you: the love that focuses on God's kingdom in your marriage.