Modesty: Taking off the Blinders

By Jennifer Forrest

                When I received an email about writing on this topic, I knew it was not a coincidence.  I hope my experience can help others learn from my mistakes rather than experiencing them first hand.  God’s timing is so perfect.  It amazes me how he lovingly works in our lives.  He recently used several things to open my eyes to an area that needed addressed.  While raising our daughters, my husband and I have gone out of our way to make sure the values of our culture do not outweigh or replace God’s values with regard to education.  It wasn’t until recently that I realized we failed with regard to entertainment.  This greatly influenced our views of modesty. 

The first incident happened at the mall.  My seven year old got so excited over a dress that looked like it was right out of High School Musical.  It didn’t even come in a size small enough for her.  At first, I was annoyed and tried to explain that it was too “old” for her.  Then I realized that even if she were older, it was too revealing.  Then it hit me that I was the one who allowed influences in her life that made those styles seem acceptable.  It broke my heart.  I had “trained her up” to think that style of dress was cute and fun by allowing her to view it in movies and in doll clothes that portrayed those styles as “cute”.   

Later that day, we were searching for a birthday gift for a friend when my daughter excitedly held up a Barbie doll.   She said, “This is so cute.  I have enough money.  Can I get it?”  The doll came with a bedroom vanity set and was dressed in “pajamas” that looked like they were from Victoria’s Secret!  Again, the Lord was convicting me.

That evening my husband and I discussed the events of the day.  We realized that we had allowed the culture to have an influence in our home through some popular musical movies, toys, and music marketed toward children far younger than they should have been.  We also have allowed this to happen through their Barbie doll clothes.  I was angry that we were so blinded. 

The very next day and for the weeks to follow, the Lord provided us with the tools we needed to get on the right track.   The first tool was subtle.  It was an email launching the Modest Clothing Distributors website.  I love God’s approach and his timing.  The next day I got an email from Focus on the Family.  It discussed teaching children healthy sexuality and modeling healthy behaviors such as modesty.  It emphasized how our society has sexualized young girls and listed ways we can protect our daughters.  I ordered a book they offered called 5 Conversations You Must Have with Your Daughter  by Vicki Courtney.  I read it within days.  (Another miracle of God’s timing!) The statistics given in that book made me see how much girls’ images and actions are affected by our culture.   

                The final tool the Lord has used is a Bible study by Beth Moore on the book of Daniel.  I am studying about the Babylonian culture where Daniel was placed.  The study compares the mentality of that society with the mentality of our Western culture.  Daniel had to resolve not to give in to the Babylonian mentality which focused on outward appearance, intelligence, and self-indulgence.   Our culture is bombarding us with a warped view of beauty.  Women and girls on magazines in the checkout aisles, TV shows, commercials, and even Disney’s animated characters dress immodestly.  This study has reminded me that I have to be like Daniel.  I have to be intentional or it won’t happen.  I have to model it.  (I am “retraining” myself in this area as well.)  I have to be deliberate.  I have to be consistent.  I have to be sure relatives and friends know our boundaries.   We cannot teach our daughters about character and beauty in God’s eyes, but allow them to view things with contradictory messages.

As a result of all this insight, my husband and I were convicted about some items in our home that we needed to remove.  I mentally added up the cost of these items and it made me sick.  But I was reminded that teaching the value of modesty is priceless.    It was traumatic for our girls at first, especially with the Barbie clothes.  We had used Barbie dolls to model the right way to treat people, handle situations, to model behaviors like going to church, and marrying someone who believes in Jesus.  But we failed to address the immodest clothing.  We had to pitch 95% of the clothes!   Thankfully Grandma has sewn some new modest Barbie clothes.   We have begun to replace these items with healthy alternatives.  We are thankful that there are so many resources offering a large variety of Christian music, books, dolls, and movies.   Modest clothing is harder to find.  Thanks to MODEST CLOTHING DISTRIBUTORS, it is becoming easier. 

I’ve learned several lessons through this and I’m sure it’s just the beginning.  First, I cannot judge others.  They are blinded and bombarded with immodesty everywhere.  I need to pray for them, model modesty, and tell them why I do what I do.  Second, God isn’t looking for perfection.  He’s looking for purity of heart:  an authentic desire to do His will and give Him glory.  2 Chron. 16:9 says “The eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him.”  Third, there is nothing wrong with beautifying the temple as long as it’s done in good taste and is not my primary focus.  In 5 Conversations…, Vicki Courtney writes, “Only by pointing out the lies of culture and continually reminding our daughters of God’s definition of beauty (virtue) will we stand a chance of protecting our daughters from the culture’s inevitable brainwashing.”  Finally, I need to use the tools God has given me and teachable moments to remind my daughters of these truths throughout their lives.  If I’m going to be deliberate, my daughters and I need to memorize and regularly discuss the following verses that define beauty in God’s eyes.  We also need to pass these truths along to others.  Hopefully this article will open the eyes of others to see God’s truth regarding modesty and beauty. 

Psalm 139: 14 “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”

1 Samuel 16:7 “But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him.  The LORD does not look at the things man looks at.  Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”

Proverbs 31 (especially v. 30) “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.”

1 Peter 3:3-4 “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes.  Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.

1 Timothy 4:8 NLT “Physical exercise has some value, but spiritual exercise is much more important, for it promises a reward in both this life and the next.”

1Corinthians 6:19-20 “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God?  You are not your own; you were bought at a price.  Therefore honor God with your body.”